The 13 Stages of Payday

Payday is the best day of any working individual’s month – it’s a reward for being you, especially if you’ve worked extra hard. You’ve put in all those hours, all that blood, sweat and tears, and you’ve made it to one of the most exciting parts of the month.

Throughout the build up, during and after we all feel the same set of feelings, when it comes to getting paid. Here are the 13 stages of payday:

1) Creeping through the last days before you get paid:

Before payday, comes no-pay-week.

Your friends want to go out and get turnt, but you have 10p to your name. All you can afford is some Lidl pasta, not a few vodkas, and you really want to buy that new coat in the shop you saw yesterday.

You cancel plans because you need the money for bus fare to work, and you make lunches from all the food you find in the back of the cupboard.

2) Waking up knowing that it’s finally arrived:

IT is here.


Payday has arrived. Your bank account is saved, and you are saved from failure. You can finally eat, pay for your car and buy all those clothes and goodies you’ve waited for a long time to purchase.

3) Waiting for your pay to drop into the bank:

Is the clock broken?

Is time going backwards? WHY ARE MINUTES SO SLOW? You’re bored of waiting, so you start making an Amazon wish list of all your purchases.

4) When your company pays you:

You work for them, but when your company pays you for the many hours you’ve spent in their office, you feel like they’re doing you a massive favour – and they are.

Getting paid is the best feeling.


You count it all, really slowly.

Too many notes.

6) Celebrating the fact you just got paid:

Pop that champagne, let’s celebrate!

WE JUST GOT PAID. What’s first on your list of items to buy?

7) Making it rain:

You’ve been paid and you’ve got buckets of money, so you walk into the pub where all your friends are waiting.


8) That thing is YOURS:

You’ve waited for months, you’ve seen it in every shop and now you can purchase it and put it in your room/wardrobe/house.

Whatever it may be, you go and celebrate it finally being yours.


Jacket. Meal. Car. House. Everything is now yours because you have money, and lots of it.

10) Realisation sinks in:

Uh oh, your bank account wasn’t actually that full. You didn’t have that much money. You haven’t paid any bills yet. Whoops.

11) Your bills takes a large chunk:

Yep, it’s mostly gone. Your phone bill is ten times the size due to calling abroad ten times a day. Your rent has taken 50%. Your car is costing you 40%.

Soon, you’ll have -25% worth of your pay.

12) You check your bank balance:

Where did it all go?

How did it all go so quickly?

13) Back to having no money:

You’re poor.

The cycle starts again. Oh, to be an adult.

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By Laurence Hebberd