Friendships at work are weird things. They’re wonderful but weird. You see your work friends 5 days a week for hours on end. Day in, day out, week after week, month after month, year after year. Your working day is bookended with their cheery ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye’. Each Friday you run each other through your weekend itinerary, and then Monday is spent mutually moaning about it being over. Mondayitis much? Yes. And it doesn’t stop there.
You and your work friends will go to lunch together regularly, sit in long and boring management meetings together, chatter at work events, make coffees and teas for one another and support each other through stressful periods. You’ll likely get to know a fair bit about their personal lives too; their partner; their kids; career aspirations and holiday plans. You’ll quickly notice subtle changes in their mood, hair, weight, wardrobe, energy levels, motivation, and performance. Yes, they’ll keep tabs on you, too.
It goes even deeper than that. They are often the only ones who really understand your day-to-day pressures; after all, they share the same boss and internal frustrations. They are often your sounding boards and pillars of strength when it comes to staying motivated. You even watch TV series in synch so you can talk about them the next day. Everything is great and then all of a sudden, just like that, one tells you they’ve got a new job. They’ve just resigned, and that’s it. They leave. No more Grey’s Anatomy gossip, no more work best friend. How on earth are you supposed to move forward from something like this?
Here’s what you have to do to get through:
Be positive and congratulatory
It shouldn’t feel personal, but often it does. You’re allowed to feel upset, but you need to be positive for your colleague. Moving jobs can be a hugely stressful and emotional process, but the decision to resign is a big thing, and so it’s important to be happy and excited for them. It’s likely that your colleague has been offered more money, a promotion, or a role they’ve wanted for a long time. Even if you feel they’re making a huge mistake, or can’t help but worry about the repercussions of them leaving, it’s important to stay professional and not let your emotions get in the way of congratulating them.
Take a break to collect your thoughts
I’m not suggesting doing a Houdini as soon as they tell you their news, but once the excitement of the announcement has died down, take yourself out for quick coffee or a walk in the fresh air. Try to work through what this means logically – it’s not the end of the world. Will it really mean more work for you? If it does, know that it will be short-lived until a replacement is found. Will you be alone and bored all day? Maybe for a bit, but only until you make new friends. You’ll be okay.
Start the handover process early
There’s nothing worse than having to deal with something you really aren’t across nor informed about. If you’re the one who will have to look after their work when they leave, do an in-depth handover with them so you’re not left in the lurch when they go. Failing to do this might make you resent them once they’re gone, which will undo so much great friendship. In-depth handovers will also help you view their departure in a professional mindset, getting straight down to business.
Reflect on your own career
Are you sad because they’re going, or because you have to stay? Your work friends shouldn’t be the only things keeping you in your current job. Sometimes it takes a good colleague to leave, for you to realize that you wish that was you, and that indeed you should be next. On the flip-side, are you actually ready to step up now; perhaps take on more responsibility internally? Does them leaving present a great opportunity for you to shine? Use your colleague’s departure as a positive inspiration to move forward in your own career in some way.
Widen your internal network
When one door closes, another one opens. Try not to wallow in self-pity when your workmate leaves – instead, introduce yourself to new people within your company. Start going to after-work drinks again, or get involved with the company’s charity initiatives. Put yourself out there so you can find new friends. If you’re feeling quite alone in the absence of your work friend, try talking to your boss about it. Maybe you actually need to make some new hires. Or maybe you can have some input into the hiring of their replacement?
When people leave the workplace, often others feel the need to talk about it. It’s only natural, and when you’re in a big company, sometimes people embellish things and create drama by repeating non-confirmed rumors or speculating about why they really left. Sometimes it’s like the floodgates open and people feel the need to bring up that person’s history, analyzing their work – basically pulling them apart. Don’t get involved. Stay loyal and stay positive. After all, they’re not even there to defend themselves.
Listen to music
Music has the ability to lift even the lowest of spirits. When your colleague leaves, it might feel particularly quiet. Without them next to you, talking to you, and bouncing ideas off you, you might feel a little blue and anxious. Why not try popping your headphones in for a few hours to fill the silence? Perhaps just avoid James Blunt songs (particularly Goodbye My Lover, and it’s best to save Adele’s Someone Like You for another time as well).
Book a farewell lunch and keep in touch
Don’t forget to keep in touch with your colleague – it doesn’t have to be the end. You might even find you become better friends when you remove work from the equation. Book in a farewell lunch so you can have one last fun memory with them at work, and make sure you make the effort to check in with them when they start their new role. As they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder.