Be careful – it’s a jungle out there.
When it comes to using public transport, it’s every man and woman for themselves. Travelling to and from work is a repetitive experience that can really bring out the worst in people. It’s like the gift that keeps on taking.
Unless you’re of the rare breed of human that can fall asleep in public, it’s easy to get lost in your own thoughts and start noticing just how annoying your fellow passengers are. You can’t help but analyse everyone around you, silently judging them (very harshly) for doing things that, if you’re honest, you’ve probably done too.
1. Staring at people
When someone else does it:
Can you help them with something? It’s so rude to stare and they are making you feel uncomfortable with their lengthy gaze. They could look at their phone, a book, poster maps or advertisements. However they have chosen you, and even though you want nothing less than to encourage them, you can’t help but check if they are still doing it, which they are and now you’ve just made eye contact (again).
When you do it:
You like that girl’s shoes. You also like the way she has braided her hair, can you do it like that? Maybe you will try that tomorrow. As for that guy over there – does he know that his shirt is crushed? Why people do not iron their clothes is completely beyond you. Ooh! Finally that man is finished with his newspaper, my turn! Well… it would be if he didn’t rest it on his lap, of no use to anyone. Great. How inconsiderate.
2. Advertising symptoms of a cold
When someone else does it:
They are putting your immune system at risk and you simply won’t have it. You can’t afford to be struck down by a cold right now. They cough again, then follow it with a sneeze and you make sure you look at them with daggers in your eyes so they know that what they are doing is not okay.
When you do it:
Poor you, it is so hard being unwell and having to go through the daily motions. You shouldn’t even be going into work but you are so dedicated to your job and nothing can jeopardise that big presentation. When you cough it hurts, and you’ve also just run out of tissues which means you have to keep on sniffing. You sound like you’re crying, which you are on the inside. Today is going to be a hard day and it’s like no one around you cares, that healthy-looking lady didn’t even offer you her seat.
3. Losing footing
When someone else does it:
It’s not that hard to hold on to the support rails. Stop and start, stop and start – every journey is the same. How can they not be prepared for this? They want to play on their phone but they shouldn’t be allowed because they can’t handle the sudden movements. They ram into you, and your body stops them from falling over. You have saved them from getting hurt and therefore you are a hero, while they are just a nuisance.
When you do it:
This driver is absolutely vicious! Are they trying to make you fall over? You fly into the person next to you because the brakes were slammed with no prior warning. You shake your head with embarrassment to let the other passengers know you’re not happy with the the way the vehicle is being operated. It happens again, and this time your hands spasm to find the nearest rail and you lose the email you were midway through composing on your phone.
4. Having a loud conversation
When someone else does it:
Nothing they are saying concerns you and quite frankly you shouldn’t have to listen to how crazy last Friday’s work drinks got. You don’t care for their stories. You don’t care if Sarah ended up crying because Bradley told her he likes Jennifer more than her. You especially don’t want to hear about their kids being sick after eating bad takeaway. Have some decorum, people.
When you do it:
You are so happy to have a friend to travel with. You know what this means. STORY TIME! You’ve been waiting to talk about how crazy after-work drinks got last Friday – Sarah even started crying because she found out Bradley and Jennifer are practically officially dating. You also describe in vivid detail just how bad your kids’ stomachs have been lately, everything that goes down is coming back up at the moment, it must be a bug they picked up at school. Before you know it you’ve reached your destination. Quickest trip ever!
5. Walking in a disorderly fashion
When someone else does it:
Selfish and ignorant. Who do they think they are? The world doesn’t revolve around them yet they dart straight in front of you like it’s okay to just cut you off without warning. And it isn’t.
When you do it:
Move everyone! You’ve got places to be, people to see!
People appear to be walking at snails’ pace and it’s just so inconsiderate. You feel like a cattle prodder without a voice or prodding stick (if only). Can they not see you are in a rush? You erratically change your speed, making swift sideways moves into the gaps. You hover closely behind those who are fast enough for you, and overtake them the moment they show signs of fatigue.
6. Squeezing into a packed carriage
When someone else does it:
There is clearly no room here yet they hurl themselves into the crowded coach like it’s a mosh pit and full body contact with strangers is acceptable at 9am. They are so impatient, there will be another on its way in a few minutes, just wait. WAIT.
When you do it:
You are late for a meeting and you have to get onto this bus or train if it’s the last thing you ever do. You take a few paces backwards, rub the ground with one foot like a bull at a gate and launch yourself inside at the last minute. You knock a few people in the process and passengers go down like dominos, but it doesn’t matter because you are Batman and you have made it.
Speaking of making it, you’ve just made it to the end of this article. What do you think the most annoying public transport behaviour is?
Image: Shutterstock
